Missing My Family!
Another year had passed and my new job was taking me farther from Sue and
the kids. Against all advice I had received from friends, I had accepted
a job with a group of Japanese investors, the Yakima Investment Corporation.
They were buying properties all over the United States, which kept me away
from my family six days a week. They were paying me above average but
after three months, I began wondering if it was worth it. However,
I had a goal of owning my own plane one day and I new the sacrifices I made
now would help me achieve it.
To insure that I would stay with them they offered to finance us a home outside
of Memphis. A previous partner of theirs left and went into business
on his own. The house he lived in was worth three hundred fifty thousand
but owned by the group. They offered to sell it to us and move us in
at two hundred fifty thousand and finance at Four percent. As an added
bonus, they gave me two thousand a month expense account which was above
the meals and hotel that the company paid. All the furnishings in the
house were ours as long as I stayed with the company.
I was in Denver for a week and spent an hour a night on the phone for days
convincing Sue that we should take their offer. I was telling her that
in a year, when my contract was up I would find another job with less travel.
We would have enough saved and we could sell the house at a profit and move
anywhere she wanted to. She finally agreed but I know it was because
it was what I wanted. The house was more than either of us had ever
dreamed of. It was a two story brick with a full basement and a three-car
garage on three acres with a pool.
Sue loved the house but mentioned to me that she wasn’t sure it was a good
trade off for me being away so much. The days I was home seemed as
though I was living in someone else’s home but I would never say that to
her. Phyllis had graduated and moved in with us to help with the house
and kids. Sue had someone come in twice a week to clean house.
That allowed her more time to visit with mom and her friends because it was
a forty-five minute drive to almost anywhere.
Lon Chang and I became good friends. He was a twenty eight year old
with the group, a Harvard graduate who did most of the purchases and flew
most often for the group. He was single and loved American women and
to party. He spoke English as well as I do, but has only lived in the
United States twelve years. He often would ride in the cockpit with
me just to have someone to talk. Mostly we discussed women. He
had met Sue and said she was the prettiest woman he had met and he couldn’t
believe I would leave her alone as much as I do. I would tell him that
I think oriental women were more beautiful than American as a whole and he
would always disagree. He had been reluctant to make advances at American
women when he would visit nightclubs saying he was shy but I thought there
were other reasons.
He asked me to go out with him on several occasions but I declined knowing
I would screw up. I explained that to him. I told him what I
had done in the past with other women. Whenever we were in a new city,
he made a joke of it by asking if I had a girl in that city. I wouldn’t
always answer to make him wonder if I did or not.
I made the mistake by telling him on a trip to Louisville I could get him
a date. Carlie was on my mind and I would be taking a chance by calling
her because it had been a year since that time we had spent together.
I could ask Carlie if she knew a girl that might go out with him. Lon
was a nice looking person and very distinguished. We were on his schedule
so we could do whatever he wanted. We arrived at the airport at one
thirty and I rode in the limo with him to the hotel.
I called the university after reaching my room and asked if Carlie Thompson
was enrolled. I got two people by that name and called the first one
and it wasn’t she so I called the second.
“Hello!”
“Hi, is this Carlie Thompson from Denton?”
“Yes, who is this?”
“One of your long lost friends, Jay,” I said.
“Jay, hi! Where are you?”
“I’m at the Crown Plaza downtown.”
“What are you doing in town?”
“Business trip, would you like to meet for dinner?”
“I don’t know. I’m mad at you for not calling me sooner.”
“Don’t be, I have thought about you a lot in the last year. Do you have a boyfriend now.”
“No, but I did get my divorce four months ago.”
“I need to ask you for a favor. The person that I’m flying for wants
to go out but doesn’t have a date. Do you know anyone that would want
to go to dinner tonight? He’s Japanese, twenty-eight and is a millionaire.
He’s nice looking too!”
“I don’t have any close friends that are Japanese,” she replied.
“I mean American girls.”
“I know several who would go out with millionaires no matter who they were!” She said as we laughed.
“She has to be beautiful! That is the only requirement.”
“Are you sure I’m not getting her for you? I remember what you told me about you and beautiful women.”
“Real funny! They don’t come any prettier than you so I know I’m with the prettiest,” I said, being funny.
“Wait until you see the one I’m thinking about, Sharon. Can you call me back in thirty minutes?”
“Sure! I’ll call you then,” I said, and we hung up.
I showered and dressed in suit and tie knowing Lon only went to the best
restaurants. I called his room and told him I had talked to Carlie.
He sounded a little nervous so I reassured him to relax and take it easy.
He wanted to send the limo after them but I convinced him that we should
be there to pick them up. Besides, I wanted to see Carlie.
I called her back in thirty minutes and she said Sharon the one she spoke
of said she would go out with him. I had not discussed it with Lon
but I told Carlie we would pick them up at five thirty and find something
to do until we went to dinner.
I went to Lon’s room to tutor him about tonight. He was wearing a suit I know cost a thousand dollars minimum.
“I told Carlie we would pick them up at five thirty and we could do something until dinner,” I explained.
“What do I say to her? What does she look like?” he said with a nervous voice.
“Relax Lon, Carlie said she was very beautiful and charming.”
“Does she know I’m Japanese?”
“Yes, I told her. That doesn’t bother her at all,” I said.
I was thinking he must have had an experience concerning that. I wanted
to ask him but I didn’t. I wanted him to have a good experience with
Sharon.
“By the way, her name is Sharon.”
“Sharon! What is her last name?”
“What the hell does that matter?” I said, without thinking. He looked at me and began laughing.
“You Americans are so informal.”
“If you get along with her well enough to want to see her again, then ask for her last name,” I explained.
“What about… do you think she will…?” I broke into his question knowing what he was asking.
“I know Carlie will come back with me to the hotel. If Sharon comes
with us then she’s a sure thing. You won’t have to play any games just
do what you want.”
“How do you know she will?”
“I just know, I’ll bet my life on it! Does that help?”
“I trust you.”
“Good! Can I give you some other advice?”
“Yes!” he said looking with anticipation.
“You’re a millionaire, you don’t have to impress her in any way. Just
relax and be yourself. You will never have the charm I have but you
have something better,” I said, joking with a smile.
“What is that?” he asked with a puzzled look.
“Money!” I said, holding my hand out rubbing my fingers together.
We laughed. “I can’t wait to see Carlie, she’s a fox,” I said, taking
a deep breath. “I need a beer. I’m going down to the bar.
Do you want to go with me?” he didn’t answer picking up the phone.
“What do you want to drink?” he said holding the phone to his ear.
“Bud!”
“Send up some Budwiser to my room,” he said and hung up.
“That will work for me,” I said, smiling.
We drank a couple and left the room at five. Lon instructed the driver
to go to the dorm where we were to pick them up. I was thinking that
picking up any girl in a limo at a dorm would impress anyone. I didn’t
have to impress Carlie but I knew she would be. The driver asked if
he were to go up to the room and get them.
“Hell no! We are going up,” I said, flicking Lon on the shoulder trying
to get him to relax. He just smiled as I noticed his nervousness.
“Relax, take a deep breath,” I said, and he did.
We pulled up to the dorm and went in to room 177. I knocked and Carlie
answered throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me.
“I’m so glad you called!” She said and kissed me again.
“Me too! You have not changed a bit. Except you’re more beautiful than I remembered.
“Thank you. Come in, we’ll be ready in a minute,” she said turning to go in. I looked at Lon and smiled.
“As we entered I saw Sharon as she got up from the desk to greet us. I looked at Lon with envy. She was gorgeous.
“Jay, Lon, this is Sharon,” she said introducing us.
We greeted and I asked if they were ready to go. They picked up there purses and we walked outside to the limo.
“I didn’t expect to go in this.” Carlie stated being impressed, as I knew she would be.
Sharon was talking to Lon as though she knew him. I noticed he was
relaxed as I hoped he would be. We had no idea where we were going.
“Just drive around until we decide where we want to go.” Lon instructed the driver.
“Do any of you have a special place you want to go until we go to dinner?” I asked the girls.
“You guys pick the place,” Sharon replied.
“We want to go somewhere we can have a good time,” I said, to reassure them.
“Any place is fine.” Lon replied.
“Let’s go to Caiman’s at the hotel. It is a nice place to sit and talk.
I heard them playing some good music a while ago,” I suggested.
“That’s fine with us.” They said agreeing.
Lon and Sharon were sitting across from us in the limousine and Sharon was
wearing a very elegant black dress that was very short. She had her
legs crossed and I had to make an effort not to look at her. I suspected
Carlie knew I had to make an effort also. I turned looking at Carlie
asking her what she had been doing the past year. She was in her second
semester since returning.
“Sharon, did I tell you Jay could read minds.” Carlie said.
“No, can you really?” She asked.
“No, I can’t read minds. Don’t tell her that Carlie,” I said, frowning
at her. I didn’t want to say anything about the impression I had gotten
from either of them.
“Come on Jay, Carlie wouldn’t say that unless she had a reason,” Sharon stated.
“Yes she would, she says things to draw attention to herself,” I said, not knowing how to get out of this.
“I was just teasing Jay, Sharon. It is an old joke. He told me
a couple of things once that I love teasing him about.” Carlie said
realizing I didn’t want to say anything.
“What were they?” Sharon asked.
“Private things,” she answered putting her face in my neck and kissing me to say she was sorry.
We entered the hotel and went into Caiman’s Club. It was a nice restaurant
with a large bar in one section. We planned on Sheffields to eat dinner
but this was a nice place to get a drink and talk until then. We sat
down, ordered drinks and talked a while.
As we talked, I began feeling a desire to be with Sharon because she was
beautiful but I blocked that out because I knew it would never happen.
Lon would be with her tonight and I wouldn’t want her after he had been with
her. Not him personally, but anyone she chose to be with before me.
I had this thing about being second. I wasn’t going to be second choice.
However, if I got a chance I would love the challenge of seeing if I could
have her for the sake of turning her down. I knew that she knew she
was beautiful and used her beauty to get her way in life. She could
never love Lon but I believe she would marry him for his money or a limousine
ride. She and I had similarities, such as being able to say the things
people want to hear. That puts her in the category of being devious
as I am, which would be a challenge to me.
I had developed the ability to focus all my physical attention to one source
but able to think of something else entirely. I could look and talk
to Carlie, with her thinking all my attention was to her but my mind being
somewhere else entirely. I did this with her because she required my
undivided attention.
After eating dinner at Sheffields, I asked Carlie to come back to the hotel
with me and she agreed. As I expected Sharon would come with Lon.
We separated and went to our own rooms. I normally didn’t dine and
stay in the finest restaurants and hotels but Lon insisted this time because
of the nature of the circumstances. It really didn’t matter to me.
All of this impressed Carlie and Sharon but I explained to her that this
wasn’t my normal surroundings. I didn’t like any girl to expect more
than I could give them because it would be a let down.
“I have thought of you often but this is my first opportunity coming to Louisville,”
I said, putting my arms around her after closing the door behind us.
“I have thought of you often. You made life a little better during
that time. I wished we could have had more time together back then,”
she replied.
“Me too!”
“So, are you still married?” She asked.
“Very much.”
“How does she handle all of the traveling?”
“I guess I really don’t know. I’m not with her enough to know for sure,” I said, just making it up as I went along.
“Can’t you use your telepathic mind to find out?” She asked, smiling.
I held her hand as we walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the
bed.
“I only feel these things when I’m with someone, not when I’m away.
Do you mind, I need to call her so she won’t be worried,” I said, speaking
of Sue.
“Go ahead, I’m going to slip into one of your shirts.”
I called Sue not knowing how long we would be on the phone. I had been
straightforward with Carlie about Sue so she could expect that I might call
her. It was my routine to call every night and anything different may
cause suspicion. We talked for half an hour about missing each other
among the usual things. I would rather she were here with me than Carlie.
After hanging up, I went into the bedroom removing my clothes and getting
into the bed. I moved up close to her as we began kissing and then
making love. It had been sometime since I had cheated on Sue.
I felt bad because for some reason I couldn’t block her out of my mind as
I normally do. I was still able to maintain a cheerful attitude with
Carlie and put up a front to block any of my negative thoughts. We
lay in silence a while with our arm around each other. I gazed at her
as I lay there thinking how beautiful she is.
“Do you think you will make more trips this way soon?” She asked.
“It’s hard to say. If Lon likes Sharon, we might be back sooner than
later. He may ask me, if we come back again to fix him up with someone
else,” I said, thinking of Sharon’s personality.
“Why would he not like her? She’s beautiful. What are you thinking
in that devilish mind of yours?” She asked looking into my eyes.
“She seems to be an adventuress.”
“Now what does that mean?”
“It means she’s in it for what she can get out of it, nothing else.
“What is it about her that you would think that?”
“I just know.”
We made love a couple of hours and she fell asleep. I got up and took
a shower. While I was getting my underclothes out of the suitcase to
lay them out for the morning I pulled a letter out.
July 27, 1970, 11:30 pm.
My Dearest Love,
I hope you had a wonderful day, I did. All of my family is here except
for Daddy. Mom got a letter from him yesterday. He said when
things slowed down he would try to contact you while over there. It
would be nice if you two could get together.
The family just adores Little Jay. He’s so precious. Everyone
says he looks exactly like you when you were his age. I showed them
your baby picture. I talked to your mother the other day and she’s
worried about you because she hasn’t received a letter from you. Please
write her and let her know you’re fine. That is all the local news.
I miss you. I want so bad to mail these letters but I hope one day
you will read them. I want so much to receive one from you telling
me how much you miss and love me. One day I believe you will say those
words to me again. All I have at this moment are memories of the past.
Thinking back I have tried counting the times you said, I Love You.
I’m up to sixty-six and trying to remember more. I counted at least
sixty times you had that expression on your face with your mouth open, saying
you’re in awe of me. Eighteen times, you told me I was the most beautiful
woman in the world. Eight times, you said, you still couldn’t believe
I loved you. That was in a good way. One hundred times, we made
love and still counting. At least twelve times, we didn’t make love,
but we lay there as you caressed my body saying that was all you wanted to
do. The most of any are the millions of times you thought about me.
I know because you told me many times I was all you thought about and the
numbers add up. I could go on and on but you know where my heart is.
These are the memories I have that help me to know that you love me.
These are the same memories you have, that will lead you back to me.
Just think, all the memories I have are from only knowing you those five
months and there is almost a lifetime of them. They bring me so much
joy throughout the days and nights.
I’ll give Jay a kiss for you each night when I put him to bed. I miss
you so much. It is impossible to comprehend how much. Remember
to kiss me in your dreams.
Always my love, Sue
The following morning I called them a cab. I knew somehow that I would
never see Carlie again. I think she knew this too. We talked
awhile about her future and what she wanted to do. I encouraged her
to finish school no matter what. I walked them down to where the cab
was waiting and paid the fare. We stood beside the cab and hugged.
“We will never see each other again will we?” She asked.
“No, but we will never forget one another. I’m sure of that.”
“Jay, I know your heart is taken, but I want you to know that I love you.”
“If my heart wasn’t taken I could love you. I want you to have a good
life and remember you’re in the top ten.” They got in he cab and left
as I stood watching her.
Returning from a Long Week!
We arrived home late in the afternoon. Sue picked me up at the airport
with a warm welcome. It was good to be home again after four cities
in six days. Six days a week away from home was taking its toll on
me but I wasn’t going to complain. Normally she didn’t complain but
on the ride to the house, I noticed she was crying as she looked out her
window. I knew what was bothering her and was reluctant to say anything
but I knew it was weighing heavy on her heart.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.
“No, the kids and I missed you.”
“I know. I missed you too,” I said, putting my hand on her neck caressing
her as she continued looking away. A moment later, she turned looking
at me.
“The kids are at your mothers. Do you want to go home and pick them up later?” She asked, wanting us to be alone.
“That sounds like a great idea!” I said, wanting the same thing. We were silent the rest of the way home.
Entering the kitchen Sue made us coffee as I sat at the table watching her.
“You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. How do you
stay so beautiful?” I said, as she turned to look at me with that natural
sexy look in her eyes. “Do you want to make love and go out or go out
and then make love?” I continued.
“I want to make love, go out dancing and come home, make love again and again
and again,” she said unbuttoning the top button on her blouse teasing me
as she swayed her body. I stood up and walked over to her draping my
arms over her shoulders looking into her eyes. She took my hands placing
them on her breast leaning toward me lightly sucking on my lower lip.
I responded by picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom. We made
love for what seemed hours.
At eight o’clock, we entered Chastens, a favorite nightclub for many of the
younger crowd. After waiting a few minutes, we got a table and ordered
two drinks. There weren’t as many people here as I have seen before
but the night was still young. Sue and I danced to several songs before
taking a break. We sat close to each other to talk because of the noise
level. I had seen several people I had known from the past but didn’t
approach them because they were only acquaintances from years past.
“Jay!” Someone spoke as I looked up.
“Fred!” I replied looking up.
“What are you doing here? I was told that you didn’t live here anymore,”
he said as I stood and shook his hand. He was holding the hand of a
girl I recognized but couldn’t remember her name.
“Do you have a table? Set here with us,” I stood and said with my hand opened pointing toward the two empty seats.
“Just for a minute, we are with another couple,” he said pulling the chair out for the girl that was with him.
“You remember Allison Bates. She’s Allison Tillman now. We have
been married for Two years,” he said re introducing us.
“Susan, this is Fred Tillman and his wife Allison. We went to school
together. This is my wife Susan,” I said, introducing her as they greeted
one another.
“Do you live here now?” he asked me.
“I have a home here but I don’t get to see it much,” I said, jokingly.
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m a pilot. Where do you work?” I asked him glancing at Sue as she and Allison were talking.
“I’m with Henson Drugs. A sales Rep,” he answered. Jay, you remember
Tommy Henderson and his wife Beverly Simms. They are with us tonight.
Let me go and ask them if they want to say Hi.”
“Sure! I remember them. Go ask them to come over!” I said, looking around for two more chairs.
“Wait here Allison. I’ll be right back.” Fred said. I asked
the waiter and he had two chairs sent to our table. As they approached,
I stood up to greet them. I remembered Beverly. I had dated her
older sister Donna a few weeks. I had seen her many times while visiting
Donna at her house. I greeted Tommy with a handshake and gave Beverly
a hug. “You have grown up since I last saw you! How is Donna?”
I asked thinking back.
“She’s still the same. Hasn’t married yet, I guess she’s still waiting
on you. You are all she ever talked about day and night back then.
I got so sick of hearing your name mentioned,” she said, as I laughed not
remembering anything that serious between us.
“Tommy, Allison, this is my wife Susan,” I introduced as everyone greeted
one another as we sat down. The girls immediately got along as they
began talking. They grouped together as we huddled together talking
of old times.
“Jay! Fred and I always joked about the good-looking girls that you
dated. We said that you would end up marrying a dog! Boy were
we wrong?” Tommy said looking at Sue and making joke of it. “Where
did you meet her?” he asked.
“I was in the right place at the right time,” I said, telling the truth but
not explaining. I loved to hear other men speak of her in that way.
We had been sitting together a few minutes when a man came up and asked Sue
to dance. I acted as though I wasn’t paying attention but I was listening.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked her.
“Sorry, I’m with my husband. All my dances are saved for him,” she answered.
“He looks to busy to dance. Are you sure? Just one dance,” he said being persistent.
“Sorry,” she replied again.
“Hey Buddy! Do you mind if I dance with your wife?” he asked looking at me.
“Are you stupid or is it that you can’t you hear?” I asked standing up facing him.
“Sorry man!” he replied, turned and walked away.
“Same old Jay, still ready to kick ass.” Fred stated with a chuckle.
“Not really! I get a little agitated when strangers do that.
“I can see why,” he said looking at Sue.
“She’s gorgeous isn’t she?” I said.
“Stop that! You guys are embarrassing me,” Sue said blushing.
“Are you going to let me dance with her?” Fred asked with a little frown.
“Friends I don’t mind, but you will still have to ask her,” I replied as
he looked at Sue, almost reluctant to ask in fear she would turn him down.
“She won’t bite,” I said, smiling. Sue would obviously say yes knowing I didn’t mind.
“Would you dance with me?”
“I would love too!” She answered in a way that would daze anyone.
They got up and danced as I talked with the others. I noticed Allison
looking over her shoulder several times at them Dancing. I detected
a little jealousy in her face.
“Allison, would you like to dance?” I asked, as she seemed shocked
that I would ask. “I’m sorry I offended you by asking,” I said, being
funny.
“I’m sorry, Sure, if you want to!” She replied with a smile.
I stood up and took her hand. We danced two songs and sat down.
Fred and Sue were at the table when we returned.
“Tommy, do you mind if I ask Beverly to dance?” I asked.
“I don’t mind.”
“Beverly!” I said, holding my hand out to her. She took my hand
and we walked to the dance floor. We finished out that song and the
next was a slow one. We put our arms around each other.
“I always knew you would turn out to be prettier than Donna,” I said, looking at her.
“Are you hitting on me?” She asked, smiling.
“No! I was just making a statement of fact. I’m shocked that you would think that,” I returned the smile.
“You know, I did have a crush on you back then.”
“I knew you did but you were too young.”
“Am I too young now?”
“No, it’s just that I’m only home one day a week. It wouldn’t be right
if I didn’t spend that time with Sue. Would it?”
“If you ever get more time at home you can call me.”
“Sure!”
“I really want you too,” she said as we walked back to the table. A
few minutes later Sue and I danced a few songs and decided to go home.
We said good-bye to the others and agreed we would try to meet next Saturday
night.
An unforgettable Letter!
Arriving home, we took a shower and went directly to bed. Sue called
mom’s house and asked if the kids were all right. Everything was fine.
They were going to stay there tonight. We made love and talked of the
future, as we seemed to do more often. For now, we new that nothing
would change about the time I could spend at home. For putting up with
me being away so often from her and the kids, my love for her grew even deeper.
She fell asleep, as I remained awake thinking of us. I opened my suitcase
and removed another letter to read as I sat on the edge of the bed.
April 2, 1970, 6:00 am.
Good Morning My Love,
I was up early this morning and as usual thinking of you. I’m not sure
if I have time to complete this letter. If not I’ll finish it tonight.
I have been so busy, it has been four days since I last wrote. I wanted
to write last night but I have put in some overtime at work this week and
have been exhausted.
However, I do fall asleep thinking of you.
I just wanted to talk to you this morning before going to work to let you
know how much I love you. I can almost predict what will take place
today. I’ll go to work thinking of you. I’ll arrive at work thinking
of you. During the day between all of my conversations with those,
I work with, I’ll be thinking of you. I’ll arrive at home thinking
of you. I’ll sit at the table with my family and eat supper and before
the meal is over, I’ll have brought your name up in conversation. Everyone
will humor me by saying sweet things about you but in reality be bored, hearing
your name every night. That doesn’t bother me.
I’ll lie in my bed tonight thinking of you. I’m going to tell you another
secret. Some nights, when I lie in bed, my thoughts of when we were
together arouse me. You can use your imagination to know what happens
next but I’ll give you a sample. I might think of that first time we
made love when you felt my body trembling beneath you but at the same time,
I felt the nervousness in you as your lips moved across my entire body.
I knew you were as nervous as I was but I wanted to be everything you wanted.
I might think of a time we made love in the back seat of the car. How
you struggled or strained yourself to make it more comfortable for me.
Believe it or not, those little things I knew you did, added to my pleasure.
On the other hand, the nights you may have thought I was asleep, uncovering
my body and looking upon me, then, with your hand caressing me ever so softly
so not to awaken me. I loved you doing that because I knew it brought
pleasure to you, which brought pleasure to me. This may not surprised
you but I have done the same to you. As you would sleep, I would uncover
your body and look over every part of you. My hand would glide over
you discovering new things each time. I loved looking at you in that
way. Even now, as we are apart I can envision you and it arouses me.
I envision the times you stripped, as I would ask you too. I see the
shyness in your face as your body would sway to our music and you would slowly
remove your clothes in an ever so sexy way that would arouse any woman.
“But that better not ever happen!”
Then my thoughts might slip back to things you did to me. As if by
magic you knew each time we made love what would fulfill me. Even now,
I can feel your warm breath floating across my body reaching the depths of
every crevasse. Your tongue leaving a cool trail of moistness across
and down my belly finding my fluid to mingle, bringing me to ultimate pleasure.
I can feel the weight and warmth of your body, with you inside of me, bonding
our love for all eternity.
Many nights I think of us in this way. However, I know that isn’t the
way you showed your love for me. I saw it each time I looked into your
eyes. Even that first time you looked at me, I saw that love in them
and I knew we would be together for the rest of our lives. Well I’m
going to be late for work! I would love to sit and talk to you about
this all day but I have to go. This letter isn’t finished yet!
Talk to you tonight. I love you so much. Kiss me in your thoughts
this morning.
Your Fantasy Lover, Sue
It is ten thirty pm. I arrived home about an hour ago, ate a cold supper and soaked in a hot bath.
I Love you beyond words. I’m crying as I write this moment. I
was so anxious tonight, I hurried to my room to finish the letter I had begun
this morning but something happened today that altered this. I mentioned
to you that I was working overtime this week. We have received an influx
of Vietnam casualties each day this past week. We are doing post care
for them but many remain with serious wounds. One of the soldiers that
came in three days ago received a gunshot wound to the chest while flying.
His name is William Henson and he lives in Collinsville, a town sixty miles
from here. I met his family, they are so close, and wonderful it reminds
me of my own. He was a crewmember on a gunship helicopter. We
kept him in the intensive care unit to monitor him closely. His chest
was badly infected. I had talked with him several times and asked him
questions about his type of duties over there, mentioning to him you did
the same thing. He tried so hard to convince me it was unlikely that
this could happen to you. I was with a patient when I heard the emergency
call. I rushed to his room to watch the doctors as they tried to save
him but couldn’t. At that moment, I lost control of my emotions.
Your face had overshadowed his lying there. I know now that the probability
of not seeing you again is as great as seeing you. That thought is
more than I can bear. The guilt I now feel in my heart is overwhelming,
remembering your lack of hope. Forgive me for not having sufficient
love to give you a dream or vision for our future. I feel so unworthy
of you. I’m sorry but I’m afraid for you. Be careful and come
back to me. I ask God continuously to watch over you. I love
you.
Forgive Me, Sue
“God forgive me for putting you through that,” I said, turning to look at
her with tears streaming down my face. I leaned over caressing her
face as she slept. I hope all of these sad memories have left you and
never return. You don’t deserve to have them lingering in your mind.
I laid down an hour not able to sleep thinking of her. The sadness
of that letter had burned deeply into my mind. However, the sensuous
part of it had also aroused me. Would she awaken if I touch her?
Thinking of touching her body without her awakening was causing my adrenaline
to flow. The idea of touching her entire body while she slept was my
fantasy. Maybe just the attempt itself is what so arousing. Either
way I was going to try. I would even attempt something more daring
this time.
Getting up I turned the lamp on in the far corner that softly lit up the
room and I returned to the bed then slowly pulled the cover down exposing
her entire body and with the tips of my fingers, I began caressing her.
Now I attempted to kiss every inch of her body by moving my lips slowly,
beginning at her fingertips, up her arms to her shoulders, waiting to kiss
her face last so not to awaken her. I moved down her right side kissing
that half of her body, back and forth moving slowly down past her waist to
her toes careful not to miss a square inch. After kissing her toes,
gently I spread her legs and kissed up her leg, past her ankles and knees
inside her thighs spending an extra moment at her moist spot. Continuing
back and forth, up her left side, I softly kissed the curves of her hips
until I reach her breast, spending extra kisses and then moving up and over
her shoulder and down her arm to her fingertips and back up, finally to her
neck and face.
Gently nudging her until she turned over until lying face down I slid down
in the bed I began at her heals kissing carefully not to awaken her.
Gently kissing up the back of her calf stopping a moment to give extra kisses
to the area behind her knees and sliding my lips up to the back of her thighs
and across her cheeks then making my way down her other leg reaching her
toes and back up to her cheeks. Kissing across the arch of her back
to her side and moving again across her back reaching her other side and
up until my lips kissed the back of her shoulder and neck and down the opposite
side to her waste and finally up her spine reaching her neck again.
Taking in a long breath of her hair my mind was now totally satisfied.
Gently I pulled the cover back over her body. I had done it!
I had completed one of my fantasies. I lie for just seconds and fell
asleep.
In the morning I awoke, after showering and dressing I entered the kitchen with the aroma of coffee and toast drawing me there.
“Good morning, sit at the table and I’ll fix your coffee and toast,” she stated then kissed me.
I sat waiting as I thought of the night before with a grin on my face.
She put our coffee and toast on the table sat with me. We sat quietly,
sipped our coffee, and ate our toast.
“Can I get you a doughnut or a honey bun?” She said with a slight smile on her face.
“Sure!”
She brought a doughnut and honey bun and placed it before me. I ate
a portion of each of them and left the remaining. She went to the porch
and retrieved the newspaper placing it before me. Then went to the
coffee maker bringing more coffee and refilling my cup. I was now getting
suspicious. As she sat down I looked at her trying to notice any “out
of the ordinary expressions” or actions but she sat with a blank face looking
at the newspaper laid out before me. I returned to the newspaper as
she began humming a tune under breath. She was bobbing her head slightly
to the tune she was humming with her eyes fixed on the paper.
“What tune is that?” I asked casually with my eyes fixed on the paper.
“The Stones,” she said with a flippant look on her face as she continued to hum and slightly bob her head to the tune.
“I didn’t ask who sang it. I asked what was the name of the tune,” I said, finally turning to look at her.
“I Can’t Get No Satisfaction,” I turned looking at the paper again, scratching
my chin. I wonder if she was awake last night?
“Did you sleep good last night?” I asked.
“You won’t believe how well I slept, when I finally did fall asleep,” I looked at her with a dumbfounded look on my face.
“You were awake weren’t you?” I asked with a surprised look.
“I awoke at the elbow! How was I going to sleep through that?”
She asked beginning to laugh. I jokingly grabbed her arm.
“You robbed me of my fantasy!”
“How could I? You didn’t know I was awake!” I stood up pulling
her with me then picking her up and carried her to the den.
“Stop Jay! What are you doing?” She asked while laughing.
I laid her on the carpet pinning her hands on the floor above her head and
got on top of her. “Stop! What are you going to do?” She
asked laughing, squirming and trying to get loose.
“See if you can lie still during this!” I said. I put my chin under her arm and began tickling.
“I give! I give!” She said laughing loudly.
“Come on, act like you’re asleep!” I said.
“Stop! I give!” She yelled and laughed uncontrollably. I stopped tickling her.
“Do you promise you will be asleep if I ever do it again?” I asked
threatening to tickle her again. She rolled her head indicating yes
and no at the same time. I let go falling beside of her. She
quickly got on top of me taking my wrist, putting them over my head as she
held me down putting her chin under my arm tickling me. I laughed not
being tickled but at what I was letting her do.
“Do you promise you will do it again?” She asked.
“I promise! I promise!” I said, laughing. We laughed together
as she let go of me. I put my arms around her as she laid her head
on my chest. We lay, giggling at one another every so often.
“Jay, last night, that was the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced.”
“You deserved it,” I said, thinking of the letter.